Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
