he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
