dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
