very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
