It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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