it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
