redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
