Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
