Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
