this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
