I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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