The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
