I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
