God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
