they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
