how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
