If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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