She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Randomize
