am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He passed out mid-signature
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The Olympian is in my bed
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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