It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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