there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize