just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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