Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
