Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
