he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
