it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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