Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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