Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
