Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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