I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
