I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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