A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
