Swine flu is the new snow day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
