Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
