I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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