That's intense
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
