Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
