ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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