let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
