I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
