How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
being pregnant is like rehab
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
