smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
