You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
