mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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