So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
