Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
