Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
