that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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