What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
