I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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