well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
