toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
literally had 100 drinks last night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
