I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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