I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
