Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
